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1.You will never again sleep past 4:00
a.m. Like a wolf, an Aby feels that
predawn is the hour to hunt (but then he also hunts
on and off all day). The problem is that he needs
you to help him find his prey. At first he may just
stand over your head and stare at you, but soon
he'll develop a heavy purr. Only the extremely naive
will suppose that the purr expresses devotion. If
you have not responded within a reasonable time, he
may begin to nibble at your nose or toes.
Occasionally he'll burrow into your hair and try to
get some of it between his teeth. Within thirty
minutes you will be in the kitchen, can opener
poised.
2.You'll never eat alone.
Even if you are eating food the cat doesn't like(in
my experience, only grapefruit), he will develop a
taste for it. He will steal anything in the pot or
on the plate -- from croissant to steak or corn on
the cob -- and drag it to whatever place he
considers his lair. You will never be able to sit
through a meal when an Aby is nearby. Fortunately,
they don't mind being removed to another room.
Unfortunately, this action never inspires reform.
3.You will have to sneak in and out of
your home like a criminal. This is to
prevent your Aby from running away. When I open my
front door to greet visitors, I clutch my Aby in my
arms. No doubt my visitors now talk behind my back
about my neurotic attachment. It's actually
self-defense. To my shame, my Aby has been known to
flee into strangers' apartments and hide under their
beds. He has rushed into the elevator and descended
alone to the lobby. On one horrible night, without
my knowing it, he slid through a partially open
window to the |
